Three Days Left

Hi, there..

It's been a while i didn't post anything here. Maybe it's because i kinda feel lazy to write something, or maybe because i don't have anything special to be written here. Lol, of course the second reason is a bullshit, everyday that passed all are special because even one day can change the situation, right?

Two days ago, when i was in my hometown, i heard bad news, that's my aunt suddenly died in her 39 age. It's because of stroke, she had a high pressure blood and maybe she couldn't maintain her own health (i didn't have a close relationship with her).

As i said that i don't have a close relationship with that aunt, but somehow i feel sad. After all, she was a mother of her sons and daughter, a sister of her siblings, a daughter of her parents, a wife of her husband. And now she is gone. So, my point is, maybe all that we do is just a boring routines, that we meet the same annoying person, have non-ending tasks, but maybe someday you'll miss them. So, just enjoy the moments, all things would change, sooner or later.

It's the same like this year, just three more days we have to move on from 2014 to 2015. So, make sure that you spend your last year with your beloved one :)

Lonely

I don't mean to pity myself. But when night comes, it feels like i feel alone. After i broke up with Stefan and decided to live in Jakarta, my life seems lonelier. You know, when i had a long distance relationship, i always looked at my phone either to chat with him, or just see if my boyfriend gave me a message, and now, when i look at my phone, seems like i am waiting for someone giving me text, silly me. More over,  for about a month i lived with my family, i have my mom to talk with, any topics (well, except my orientation of course), we even watched Korean drama together, and that made me feel less lonelier.

I have quite many gay friends, including Hansel, Stefan's best friends, etc. But you know, you can't count on them every single time. They have their own problems, their own activities. I remember how grateful my high school and my university life. I have quite many friends although most of them are women or straight men, but they were living with me back then. I mean, of course i couldn't share my gay things to them, but at least there were some people who accompanied me eating, chatting, about anything.

With the condition of me now, jobless, going to university only at night, no boyfriend, no dates, i think it's quite normal if i feel lonely, haha. At first, i enjoy my day, feels so free! I can meet someone new, meet them, but you know, people come and go fast, especially when you know them from online apps. I also feel something is missed. Well, maybe this is the part of me that try to adapt with present condition. I am going through my single status just for 4 months, still okay if i feel lonely, isn't it? My past is already over, and now it is the time for me to build a better me. Moving on is not only for letting your ex go, moreover, you have to move on from your previous life from your comfort zone, too.

Anyway, who feels alone here? Let's chat! #eh :D

January to November

It's been a while since i posted the previous post.

And now, it is DECEMBER!

Many people feel happy about December, because this month is related to Christmas, Holiday, Vacation, etc. Kids tend to be more happy because in Christmas they usually get gifts from their Santa, or family trip.

Well, unfortunately, i didn't grow up in that kind of family. My dad is christian, and my mom is buddhism. I am Christian, and i grew up in a church that doesn't celebrate Christmas. So when i was in High school, people felt excited about this month, but i couldn't be as excited as them. All i thought about is just holiday (i bet everyone loves holiday, right?lol)

***

When i wrote about this, i thought about my 11 months passed. How this year passed so fast. What did i do for 11 months? Did i enjoy this year so much that everything seems like just an illusion?

So i started to remember...

I spent my new year 2014 in Shanghai, with my friends there. Not different with in Indonesia, we saw fireworks, and in the morning seeing sunrise from The Bund (the iconic place in shanghai). The unique thing we did is, we flied a lantern, we wrote our wish for this 2014. I forgot what i wrote completely, but i remember i wrote things about getting a job and being a better person than before (it's standard, right? lol)

So, my class period was over, thank God that i could be the 2nd rank from total class in my level. That time i felt proud because my competitors are from all around world, lol too exaggerate. The first semester was over, i went back to Indonesia from China for about one month in Feb-March. I celebrated Valentine with Stefan, and had a trip for 2days 1 night with Stefan and his best friends + couples.

And since March-July, i didn't thing i did a memorable things. Just did study, have a party (i had a harder party than last semester), shop, hang out, eat a fine food, but most of my time i spent in dorm, because i already felt bored there.

Mid-July, i went back to Indonesia for good. i didn't get any rank position in second semester because the regulation in university, for those who go for good, their scores wouldn't be counted for getting ranked.

Mid August, I broke up with Stefan, last August i decided to enrol my self in a university in Jakarta for having master degree. Seems like my study period since kindergarten haven't finished yet, huh?

And i started my first semester in Mid September. In class, my personality couldn't match with my classmates. Well, straight people talked about girls, cars, and i have no interest on that, lol. I don't have a bunch of friends there, but i am thankful enough that i have few friends there, that is smart and i can count on with :D

Then, since October-now, there's not much that i can tell about. Nothing special, if i wrote it per month, but overall... My life in Jakarta not as bad as i thought. I met a friend, Hansel, who accompanied me though the days that i felt lonely, lol. Really thank to him. There's one day that we had a trip to Bandung for having holiday together, then he also fulfilled my wish to go clubbing for the first time in Jakarta, hahaha. But the most important thing, he accompanied me in my very hardest time, that moved on from my ex. He often asks me to go out with his partner, Kristof to watch movie, hang out, or even karaoke together. I also like to play to his place, for having a free-flow Baileys and Sheridan :P Really thanks to him, my god mother. :P

***

Now, i remember about my wishes that i wrote in lantern. About becoming the better of me. Seems like i've passed one process (or maybe still on process), that is for letting someone go. This process required me to have more patient, more thoughtful from having a decision, and in the end might transform me to be a more mature version of me.

For about getting a job, yes i am still unemployed, lol. But i don't feel ashamed. I can hang out, window shopping in noon, and have a class at night. There surely a time for me that one day i run my life like other people, work from 9 to 5. It's just not my time, yet. Just enjoy every process in my life! I don't have to get up early, so a life!

And today is the first day in December. i have 3 wishes:

- I hope i could end my last month in 2014 with joyful memories.

- Since January till now, i have lost 4kilos, but gained 2kilos. My second wish is i could lost again my 2kilos that i gained, lol.

- I enjoy my life now, i am not looking for a relationship, but i hope this month, i could meet my Mr. Right (just for meeting and knowing Mr. Right, won't counted as i want a relationship, right? :D)

I do have wishes for this last month. What are your wishes?

"You have one month to finish the book of 2014. Make the last chapter a perfect one."