First Time Exploring

It was on the 1st January 2010 when i was starting to join a community (gay forum), and be acquainted with gay. It was because i felt saturated,  no friends in common to share this kind of problems. That time i was 19, so it was like the perfect moment to look for my real identity, who i am and what i want to do with this life.

Hendra (not his real name - by the way, every time i post names, i won't post his/her real name) is my first gay that i knew from forum. He is 7 years older than me. What was the reason why i greeted him? Classic answer, because he is handsome, lol. Until now, i still have his contact, i also gave him message to ask about his condition periodically, because i don't want to lose friends. Mostly people come and go, especially when you don't have any chemistry. But i do believe that friendship is more than just about chemistry, right?

Unfortunately, i never met Hendra till now. His hometown is in East Java while mine is in west. The time i knew him, he has been living in Australia. Well, distance can't separate people to know each other, right?

When i thought about that time, i am really thankful to God, that my first gay friend is not the 'bad' one. He wanted to answer all my questions patiently. Somehow, his appearance + his brain made me had a crush on him :P . Can you imagine how you have to be patient answering curiosities of a first-time-exploring-gay-world-kid? (lol)

Hendra is one of my biggest inspiration. Some of gay leave / blame God of what he/she become. But Hendra is not that kind of guy. He doesn't leave God in this situation, on the other hands, he takes some services in church, joined church community, etc. You maybe thinking that this kind of behavior is like a hypocrite thing. But i tell you this: It is very possible for you to live as the way you are while you are live as a christian. It is not a choices for us to be gay, like we can't choose our gender, parents, ethnic, etc. But you can choose how you live your way as what our religion taught us (loving people, afraid of God, etc). Hendra is one of the proven subject (lol). Seems like my post became out of topic =.=

About his relationship, first time i knew him, he was with a chinese (real chinese) living together for about 2 years (if i am not wrong). Unfortunately they had to broke up because his partner decided to marry woman. And last time i contact him which is few months ago, he already had a bf, an auckland, and i hope this time he could settle down forever with his bf :)

Well, this post i dedicated for him. Because of him, i could be what i am. Not becoming the bad one, because i believe, every first (first friend, first major, first job) would determine of what you'd become later.