The Consequences

I thought i have succeeded for managing my long distance relationship. But, actually i didn't.

It's like what i've said in previous post, that when you are living far away from him, the world is also different. You have to adapt with condition there, make friends there, and sometimes that kind things would make you busy so that you 'abandoned' your life's friends, families in hometown. Especially for me. For every semester, we had a different friends, so we had to make new friends, again. And it made Stefan felt lonely. But he didn't tell me, on a contrary, he said, i should be the one that enjoy my time there, my last semester there. I thought that he was right. This was my only chance to enjoy it, the last semester, and after that, i would came back again to Indonesia and plan about our future

So one year has ended. I went back to Indonesia.

Honestly, when i came back, i did not have any idea what i would do next.

Of course, find a job, in Jakarta, lived together with Stefan would be the best decisions. But i also have to consider about my family. In 2013 me and am just moved out from my home town to another city, and my dad really count on me to help him designing the room. But it was pending because of my going to China. Second, my dad also wanted me to help him in his company. It's like.. My dad have been giving me tuition money since elementary school till now, should i be the one who give thank by working to him? It sounds fair right? When i told dad about my plan go get a job, my dad got quite angry. He said that he paid my school just for me giving my contribution to other firms? Well, i was speechless.

Stefan on the other side, he pushed me to have a decision. Ya, i know, seems like our future is so blurred, right? One of his friend, told him that he couldn't depend on me. Although i've back to Indonesia, but technically we still live in different city. At that time, i just had this plan. I would help my dad to finish home, then i would go to Jakarta, working there.

***

One day, Stefan told me, that he felt lonely when i was in China, i was so busy with my life there, so he felt he was like a doll, that i played with just when i felt lonely, and if i had friends, i would put him away. He also said that he loved someone when i was there.

Well, it's already happened right? I forgave him. I knew that it's not his fault completely. I strictly told him, you have to choose one of us. Well, who want their love share by other people, right? He said that he chose me.

But our relationship became worse. On August 11th 2014, he told me that he wanted a break time. It didn't mean that we broke up. But he thought that every relationship that we built, he was the one who did the efforts. And now it's the time for me to walk towards him.

As what i remember, yes. Most of the time, he was the one who spent more effort than me, so, yes, i agreed to him. He gave me 3months to fix it, until our second anniversary.

***

On August 15th, i went to Jakarta, because Sandy, one of Stefan's best friends had a birthday celebration on 16th -- the same date for our 21months anniversary . I planned to stay over at Stefan's place till 18th.

On 16th August, we still shopped for a couple shirt, different colour. Then we used it to Sandy's birthday dinner. I knew that Stefan's attitude was different towards me, he seems like didn't have any feeling anymore, he didn't hugged me if i didn't hug him first. He didn't want to kiss me, at all.

If you asked me what kind of feeling that i had towards him? Well, my feeling towards him didn't changed at all. Ya, because i knew that i had a commitment, that in the end of relationship, we would feel saturated. But that kind of feeling we would go thought, sooner or later.

On 17th August 2014, Stefan asked me how i felt towards him. I answered that i still have the same feeling like the first time we met. But he said sorry, he said that we couldn't be together again. These 3 days, he wanted to know about his feeling to me, and he knew, he lost his feeling to me, at all. He said that he couldn't wait for me until our second anniversary. It would be worthless, nothing would change.

Did it hurt? Hell, yeah.

But you can't have a relationship if there's just one person who puts effort, right? So, like it or not, we broke up, officially.