Maintaining a relationship is not easy like in some movies, novels, or as what you thought on your mind. Especially when it is your first time for having relationship. No experience, for both me and Evan.
In addition, because of our location, the fact that we were discreet, it was hard for us meeting frequently. You know.. U have no experience, and technically we did our relationship like what couple did in long distance relationship. So, after so-many-fought, misunderstanding, six months that we fought together had to be ended.
If you asked me if i prefer had a broken heart to toothache, well, i prefer broken heart, lol. Toothache is more painful i think. But yes.. Broken heart couldn't be healed for 1-2 days. At least i need my one and half years for making me sure that i had moved on.
It sounds like i am an exaggerate person right. But really i need that long time for moving on. Ya, actually it was my fault to let myself to live in his shadow. I let sadness control over my happiness, craving for him coming back to me. It was because i had thought, that gay relationship could be like normal relationship that you can find one person for living, growing old together. But actually it was not that easy and really sounds cheesy rite? lol. It's me that too much reading and watching teenager love stories :P
At that time, i can't accept the fact that we broke up. So i tried to be back with him. With all the possibilities, that it actually turned around. On the contrary, what all i did just made him mad at me. In the end, he blocked all ways for me to keep contact him, from facebook, twitter. He also didn't reply my message, my phone call. His purpose was good. He did in order to helping me moved on from him. But, you know... It also made me really hurt. Also, the fact that he had another boyfriend few months after we broke up made me really messed up.
The process of moving on made me hurt other people as well. Actually i didn't mean to hurt others, I thought that i had moved on. So i tried to open my heart for others. Also, that time there was few people that showed me that they liked me. But i didn't.
There's some quote said: It is better for you to be loved than loving someone. Because you can try to love that people slowly. But i don't think that it worked for man2man relationship. I tried to love (lol, love? maybe it's more like opening heart, accept someone else) someone. And it failed. I tried again (with different people) and failed again.
So, what i learned for a relationship. You might open your heart, trying to love someone. But if you know that you can't. Don't forced it, otherwise, you might hurt other people.
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